10 Lessons in 10 Years
Crazy how time flies...
I wouldn’t say I’m a holiday person, per say. I am guilty of being the grouch on Christmas, or the one bringing up rampant consumerism on some holidays that in the beginning meant something. I do understand the human experience of wanting to celebrate with people within your society. And yet, it’s never came naturally to me. Personal holidays, anniversaries and yes, the occasional full moon, however, is where I find myself throwing confetti on everyone, reminding everyone to take the time to reflect and celebrate the moments that personally shape us.
So as I come to the moment of realizing that a full decade ago, in the same streets I call home now, I embarked on the journey that is sex work, I feel tender. Within this decade of this field, I’ve tried, failed, slipped, learned, got too cocky, got humbled, received my accolades, learned the tools of the trade, sharpened, and evolved so many times over. I’ve changed for the better. While I would never say that an oppressed and marginalized job is going to be this important for everyone who comes into it, I know my gratitude stems from not the job, but the community, the freedom and the real life lessons that shape my core and ethos.
So, as a little moment of reflection to me, and little life lessons to you, I’ll offer 10 lessons that I have learned in my 10 years of this work; these can be applied broadly and for folks in the business.
Move slower than you think.
The pole, the walk, the talk, the investment into your brand, diving into the field itself. Move slowly, and think as intentionally as you can.
Community is everything. Utilize it.
When I first started in college, I got my resources from a very surface level dive into Sugar Baby Tumblr. And I say sugar baby tumblr and not sex worker tumblr for a reason, so iykyk, but you can imagine… It wasn’t until I moved to Philadelphia, and met other sex workers in real life did I actually get anywhere. This goes for every community, but we are here to lean and support each other, be courageous enough to do it.
Being in the belly of the beast is a rare position to be in. You learn perspectives that intentionally get erased; some people just won’t get it.
There is a level of educating many of us feel inclined to do when we get into a niche community and hear the bullshit spewed by the greater society or even our friends. However, the perspective you have is rare; you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink it. It can be lonely, but trust that there are people that will get it.
Your intuition will strengthen but it will never be enough.
This field requires an immense amount of trust on both ends. This field is incredibly vulnerable, and like anything vulnerable, it will take time to get the hang of listening to your gut, but that is not fool proof. Which goes into my next point…
Screening and vetting is paramount to safety. We are not all in the position to do it, but when we do, we’re keeping each other safe.
The name of the game is desire.
We all want to feel wanted. We all want to arrest someone’s attention, to make an impact. To turn around as you’re walking past and see the person you hoped is looking right back at you. We all have it, get acquainted with it, and celebrate that in others. Make use of that feral drive.
It’s okay to do things differently.
Innovation is always a worthwhile avenue, even if it’s scary. Making a new path is vulnerable but it is where magic happens. It’s always worth trying, and failing, than never trying at all. I was afraid to be a stone butch companion for years, and yet here I am, and here you are.
Get a high yields savings account if you have savings.
Seriously, do it. I simply do not have the financial whiz brain to explain it to you, but it is a game changer.
Breaks does not mean you are bad at your job, it means that you are investing something real, and you deserve a moment of replenishment.
Your freedom is worth everything.
Do everything you can in your power to keep it. Freedom of your time, freedom of your words, your choice. Even if it confuses everyone around you, choose what makes you feel free and you’ll probably be on the right track.
Do you resonate? Tell me what you think about my life lessons, I’d love to hear from you. And if you’re excited to celebrate me, you can do so here and here And as always, taking me out on a date is always the best gift of all.
Talk soon,
Avery
Gorgeously written and so full of wisdom! Congratulations to your 10 years in the industry. Here’s to 10 more 🥂