We Need to Talk
Re-introduction, Etiquette and Boundaries
Spring is slowly creeping in, cherry blossoms are blooming in abundance, and we’re all itching for those 70 degree days to stay, in the Northeast, at least. It is the season of life renewed and everything is fertile and fervent. It makes sense the common symbol of Spring is a bunny, we’re all so goddamn horny. Our bodies are yearning to feel alive, to feel that heat in our stomachs, to experience erotic catharsis; and lucky for you, that is my specialty. And yes, I do mean you.
You, the “non traditional client”. Truth is, an overwhelming majority of my clients are the “non traditional ones” aka the ones that are not cis men. 99% of you are my colleagues, my community, or are closer to me than not in one way or another. As a stone butch Dom and companion (someone that does not get pleasure from receiving but giving) most of my clients are “non traditional” as I am a non traditional provider. I tend to attract queer and trans folks, femmes, first timers, and providers in need of their night off. A delicious audience if I do say so myself. I love being a Leatherdyke’s first time hiring a provider to have a safe container to experience a kink without judgement. I love being someone’s first time back into BDSM after a long hiatus, or someone’s first time entirely. I do not take that trust lightly, and feel honored to be the hooker’s hooker and the community’s Dom.
Yet I realize there is a specific confusion I tend to arouse in my clientele, and I get it. If the populace of the industry doesn’t represent you, it can be hard to find your place in it. It can be hard to delineate between being upfront and too explicit, between direct communication and overstepping boundaries and what genuinely is the code of conduct, especially with a provider that is also deeply entrenched in community. Some of you may not even know what you’re looking at, but found me and want to get closer, but simply do not know how. Thus, it’s worth a less flowery, more direct introduction.
My name is Saint Avery Carter and I am a sex worker. I am a Pro Dominatrix and a professional companion based in NYC and available worldwide, by appointment. I have been a sex worker for a decade now, and sometimes that leaves me assuming that people know the waters they are swimming in.
With the muddy lines of being community with each other, there lies slight nuances in dynamic that leaves many questions in between the lines of the fine print and articles detailing how to be a good client (although, those are a great starting point). It’s time to speak directly to you, “non traditional client” and offer a quick FAQ to the many questions that have raced through my clients’ brains before booking and probably yours right now, after all, that is why you’re here.
FAQ
1) What do you offer?
In as plain terms as I can say with the tech overlords watching and censoring, I am a dominatrix and an escort, offering a boyfriend-but-better experience. Both of my offerings are of the same rate, and I am happy to play with folks entirely new to BDSM or queer experiences. And if you want to know specifically what that details (although it should be quite obvious), ring my line, let’s chat about it with no surveillance tech watching over us.
You can learn much more about what kinks and fetishes I play with and offer through my websites, under the tab Offerings. My service list is not comprehensive, so if you do have a particular experience you want, I reccommend emailing me an inquiry with that question. The worst that can happen is that I say I don’t offer what you’re looking for.
1) “I’ve never been a client, how do I go about this?”
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and confused about where to go first. My suggestion? My website. I’ve spent ample time on making it as clear as possible for you. My website has my bio, my offerings, the fine print, and my booking form, which is the only avenue to send your inquiry. All portions of screening must be filled to have the inquiry be responded to.
It is important to note that the explanation is expected to be brief and maybe rated PG-13, not rated X. Explicit material in my inquiry can lead to my whole website being deleted overnight (again the tech overlords). If you wish to curate a world or discuss more explicit conversations, I am happy to do so via NiteFlirt, after all that’s what it is for.
It is important to note that a session is not finalized until you send a 20% deposit of the session you requested, which you will be prompted to do once I respond to your inquiry and iron out details. BDSM sessions require a complimentary consultation to discuss limits.
On the day of our session, we meet where previously discussed. You hand me an envelope with the rest of the session fee in cash (preferred but I can do CashApp or Venmo) and I get to work. wink.
I do my due diligence to factor in aftercare and time for you to spruce up before you leave. In return, I expect you to be respectfully prompt to leave when the clock runs out. Lingering may result in me asking you to either extend the session, or kicking you out. In session extensions are happily accepted if my schedule allows it, and they are $700/hour or $400/ 30 minutes. Extensions are to be paid before the clock restarts for the time you book.
Tipping isn’t necessary, but appreciated- this is not a restaurant or a cafe where this is the line, but you’ll get dirty stares and a third degree burn from your too hot to even hold coffee. The service fee is what I expect, everything after that is the cherry on top.
2) “How do I be a good admirer or client?”
Lucky for you, I have a whole newsletter on this, detailing all the ways you can be a Good Girl for me- for girls and everyone alike. But, just to update the list a bit with some etiquette reminders:
The key to my attention and (limited) affection online, is with gifts and tips. My love languages are acts of service and receiving gifts- as with every other sex worker I know. This industry thrives on our patrons showing appreciation of our photoshoots, witty prose, website and newsletters with money. We run businesses, filled with marketing, research, skill building and investment. It is only right to invest back to the provider that makes you wide eyed every time they post a picture. As of right now, my biggest project that I would love further investment in is my new apartment. You can send cash for paint, furniture, many unhealthy lamp obsession and the new couch I am eyeing! A tip, or a trip to my wishlist to see what you can directly treat me to, is the path to showing your appreciation.
If you wish to let me know that you enjoy my work, feel free to publicly comment on my photos, share them or even recommend me to the party that needs a house top or the friend that needs to take the edge off. Messaging me directly or privately about your enjoyment of my work without compensation is where the appreciation tips into the faux pas. I am in communication with my clients and customers almost daily, I simply cannot prioritize a compliment from a stranger with no reverence for the investment I’ve put into this. Messaging me without compensation is not consensual, as my lines of communication are paid for. As the old adage goes “I can’t pay rent with compliments”.
Furthermore, messaging me with the promise of compensation, you don’t- is anything but a good impression. While I appreciate the desire to tell me that you see my work and want to book services in the future, it is more often than not that the promise is not followed through. Outside of stigmatized field, it is common to intend to invest, but for whatever reason cannot, and even more so in stigmatized fields where the investment is for pleasure. This disappointing game of kitchen is so common within the industry that it has a name- carrot dangling. While the term often refers to the more malicious intention- wanting someone’s attention by a promise, the end result is still disappointing and of course, frustrating. It’s worth saving up in private and being able to stand on your word, rather than giving a promise and back tracking.
Lastly, I am a stone butch top in all that I offer. It is an identity and boundary that I hold near and dear to me. It’ll probably be something I talk about in depth in a future newsletter, but for now- please understand it as the way I move through life, not an obstacle to conquer. Asking more than twice will result in our session and client relationship ending.
3) What happens if/when I see you in community?
I am a Leatherdyke, I am indeed outside and I have a colorful and thriving life outside of this work. You might see me at a play party, a munch, IMsLBB, etc. You might have even bought my Black Leatherdyke Calendar (thank you). However, while online the separation of these two worlds are as muddy as the current church and state affairs (less oppressive though, I hope), there is a distinction. At work, I am Avery Carter, and work refers to my online spaces, the dungeon, my website, my email, and whatever hotel room I am ruining for the day. Outside of work, I am [redacted], probably high laughing obnoxiously with my friends, learning from others, and most importantly of all, being off the clock.
If you are a current client of mine, if you see me around and about and I don’t seem busy, feel free to say hello, do small talk. I am not open to recreational (free) play with clients- ever. However I do daydream about the day that a client pays to my jockey and my toy at an event... This would only be given to clients that have shown their worth to have that honor.
It is very human to go through a transformative experience with me and desire friendship, or grow a liking to me. I get it, I’m good at what I do and I’m funny- but friendship does not grow alongside the client relationship. Fostering friendship is purely at my discretion, as it takes two to tango.
That being said, if you are also a Leatherdyke doing fostering community activities, let’s honor tradition and chat where we always have- in back allies, during the workshops, at the party. With my growing hostility towards the online space riddled with constant censorship, AI using our likeness, and now fascistic surveillance, my phone and my socials are strictly a means to a end (getting my client in the dungeon, booking a party to house top, etc).
I am grateful for this notably muddy but fun position I am in. I’m getting to chat with fellow queers about the world, Leather hot button topics, and other queer nonsense right before I awaken desires and sensations they haven’t had before. I get to let someone be a pillow princess (or prince, or liege) in a container where they are properly celebrated and devoured. I get to be a guide through queer catharsis. But, like many queer sex workers in Leather, the tango between fostering community and working can be equally exciting but also confusing. I get to be the first for many clients, who then go ahead and book other providers, but also am the one to guide them through the etiquette, with me as the test run. I get to make meaningful art and stories within my work, but also have people miscalculate the intention behind my social presence. I get to make fellow queers feels desired and devoured in the best way possible, but I am left with the reality of some folks in community interacting with me as just the service I offer (which is probably the worst part of it all).
I can imagine that it is confusing too, as a civilian (non sex worker) to navigate the online water between accounts with thirst traps for their friends versus thirst traps for their clients to book. It can be even more confusing when you want to be a client to a fellow pro in community and make a good impression. The clandestine nature of sex work and needing to hide in plain sight on socials is a direct result to the censorship that impacts all of us. Yet, the distinction absolutely matters, and it is worth being more intentional in communication to sex workers, even in community.
Updates
Since this was super long, I’ll keep in brief.
My Boston tour still has availability 4/15 noon to 8pm.
I am still offering duos with Simon Solnsa 4/23 for one night only.
My Black Leatherdyke Calendar fundraiser is happening 5/19 at May’s Bruise with a whopping 25+ items and services offered to raffle and auction. Come out
with cash, it’ll be a fun time.
Until next time,
Avery